I am uncomfortable
with my words,
or like men in battle
or like beautiful ladies
roaming street corners
their dresses too high
and their shoes
I’m always afraid I will do something, something irrational like run to the bathroom upstairs with scissors in my fist and sever away all my long soil-brown hair. That’s what is scaring me right now, at this moment. And when I am in a high place, skyscrapers, on top of the world, I fear not falling off but jumping off. I do not want to die. I do not want to die. I am impossibly happy and I do not want to die. But I ache with a terror that I will step to the very edge, close my eyes, breathe in, and drop. Plummet, free-fall, out of control and waiting for the moment I shatter on the street below, that instant of agony before blackness. I fear a lot. Really, I do fear a lot.
Some kid lessons
are the same as adult lessons
and hard as ever to learn
like “don’t try to hurt someone on purpose
just because they hurt you on accident.”
the world never really ends, i’d told you that fateful day back in April when you were searching for something more. it was difficult to listen to you speak about the endings of everything especially because to me not everything had begun yet. but, to you, things were already set in stone.
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.